Who Am I? Reflecting on God's Presence Amidst the Call

Published: April 18, 2013

All divinity students engage the Art of Ministry program (other seminaries call this field education or contextual education) while at the School of Divinity. In addition to internships and other components, part of the experience in Art of Ministry is theological reflection on the practice of ministry, and the experience of God’s presence and work in our personal journeys  as well as in communities of faith. This week’s blog features a poem written by a first year student for his Art of Ministry small group. In the poem he characterizes some of the spiritual battles he has encountered in discerning his call to this work.

Who Am I, That You Should Send

Who am I that you should send
I am nothing
Before I was a thought in my parents mind, I was nothing.
When I was conceived, I was nothing, no identity, no personality
When I was birthed from my mother’s womb, I still had nothing
I never had the strength of Samson or the riches like David.
I ask again who am I that you should send.

How could you trust me?
For the first eight years of my existence and partially after, I barely acknowledged Your existence.
Even though I had thoughts of something possibly being up there in the skies, I never spoke of You or even spoke Your name.
Are you sure it’s me who you want?
You claim while in my mother’s womb, you called me for Your purpose.
You obviously have been mistaken.

Like Moses I’m the son of sinners,
The descendant of betrayers.
Even in my own crimes I cursed you and defiled your name with my actions.
I denied You before man, and I never came to Your defense.
Certainly it cannot be me who you will send.

If I spoke what will I say.
As Your chosen ambassador for your kingdom, will they even stop to listen?
They threaten me like Jeremiah, and they ignore me like Noah.
What good am I for your glory?
You deserve better, You deserve greatness, You deserve perfection.
You deserve anyone else other than me, oh please don’t choose me.
I plead with you, who am I that You should send?

With a still voice You cried out “I am always with you.”
Before you knew me, I knew you.
You were lost and now you’re found
The heavens rejoiced and the trumpets sound
Before you knew Me, I knew you.
I gave you the voice of a messenger, the sight of an eagle, the heart of a shepherd, the spirit of a righteous king and the assignment of a prophet.
Before you knew Me, I knew you.
Before you were birthed I gave you dominion, I gave you authority, I anointed your head in your mother’s womb,
And I formed you out of divine clay.

I protected you in your adolescent, and I nurtured you with my spirit,
And placed My words on your lips and in your heart.
Therefore do not be afraid, for the aid of my people in bondage I send you.
With your words they will not listen, but by my wonders you shall speak.
The road ahead isn’t easy, and difficult days are coming,
But I knew you, before you knew Me.
You are My servant, My kind, My shepherd that I shall send!

Alan Subersubea12
First Year